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Hop Against Homophobia, Bi and Transphobia 2015; How To Not Be A Judgmental B

Posted in: Blog Hop

Today is the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia. I’m very excited to take part in the event this year. Further down you’ll find information on others taking part of the Blog Hop. At the very bottom there’s also a giveaway for a copy of my book The Adventures of Cole and Perry.

While it should be obvious from the content of my website, the books I promote, and what I write, but I do not tolerate any kind of hate or disrespect of others here. However, saying that and living that can be difficult sometimes. We all tend to get a little judgey in our heads. But how you let it out defines whether you have good intentions and if you’re a judgmental B.

We can say that we’re not homophobic, transphobic, or anything like that. But as human we have thoughts that go through our heads with regularity that aren’t very nice. Raise your hand if you’ve judged someone you didn’t know. Raise your hand if you’ve thought something negative about someone you DO know. If your hand’s not up then I call BS. Everyone has judged others in their head at some point. Most of the time it’s pretty harmless things we think.

“Wow, that person should NOT be wearing that outfit?”

“Keep your kid under control!”

Sure we may not say them out loud, but usually our faces will tell what we think. Even if you’re the lucky few that has a fabulous poker face, you still think those things. However, sometimes they’re not harmless, even if we don’t intend to hurt.

“What do mean he’s a she?”

“He can’t be bi. He’s just confused and needs to pick one.”

When we think any of these things, we’re being humans. But saying them out loud not only makes us an asshole, it also shows how narrow minded we are, and that we are actually homophobic, biphobic, or transphobic.

The two main reasons we judge others is because we want to make ourselves feel better about our flaws, and because we don’t understand. The first one can only be solved on your own. The second can be fixed with education.

It’s completely ok to not understand something, to not have enough information, and to realize you’re wrong about your assumptions. But you definitely need to ask questions in a non judgmental way. What comes out of your mouth cannot be put back in. Even an apology doesn’t erase the words. Just the intent behind them. Some ways to ask without the judgement are:

“Can you explain what it means to be transgendered? I don’t fully understand and want to know more.”

“What are some of the struggles you’ve faced after coming out as bi and how can I help prevent them in the future?”

Of course there’s also Google where you can put your questions in as rude as you want. But when you’re talking to someone, be aware of your words. You don’t know what someone else is dealing with and your careless judgement may be the last straw for them. It’s ok to be human. Just try to be human without being a B.

Check Out The Hop:

With the hop, you are able to enter to win prizes at every stop. Here on my blog I’m giving away a copy of my book The Adventures of Cole and Perry. To enter leave a comment on the post letting me know a time when you were a judgmental B in your head. But also how you’ve worked hard to not let those thoughts out of your mouth. Don’t forget to include your email so I can contact you for the prize. Contest will end on May 31 at noon Eastern. The hop goes through the 24th but it’s something we should talk about all the time, not just one week a year.


  1. Ilona says:

    I can’t remember a specific time when I have been judgmental but I know I must have been. Probably something to do with somebody’s clothing or hairstyle. I do try to be less judgmental about things and have attempted to infuse my offspring with a sense of fairness and open mindedness that appears to have taken.

    felinewyver at googlemail dot com

  2. Julie Small says:

    I worked in retail for 18 years so yes it did seem like a lot of judgements in my head! But I can’t think of a time it was about someones sexuality. Unruly kids yes! Clothing oh yes!

  3. H.B. says:

    Great post. Thank you for the advice and it’s definitely something we should examine and be more careful about.

    No need to include me in the giveaway I already have the book.

  4. Kassandra A. says:

    I am horrible at people watching………do it all of the time. Thankfully what is happening in my head rarely makes it out of my mouth in those situations, mainly because what I am typically being judgmental about is petty shyte.

  5. bn100 says:

    can’t think of any

    bn100candg at hotmail dot com

  6. Sula says:

    Thank you for your thoughtful and helpful post, as well as for a chance to win a copy of your book 🙂

    I cannot say that I have not had any judgemental thoughts, but I am a thinker more than a talker whose thoughts most of the time remain in my head with an accompanying feeling guilty internal commentary. I am also a survivor from bullying at school and I know that I am far from perfect myself so how can I judge others? What has always amazed me though is that, even though I rarely make a judgemental comments to others, is that people feel its okay to make those statements to me, perhaps about my hairstyle or that I like to wear black in the summer or that I could try harder to fit in (grr).

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